Lives of courage, resilience, and the will to endure

THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE

I was born 45 years ago in Faial, with a condition that would only be diagnosed at 18 months: profound bilateral deafness.

All my life, I have faced difficulties in my relationships with family, friends, at school, and at work. And if I didn’t have more, it was because from an early age until I was 18, I went to appointments in Lisbon every year.

When I was at school, there was no special education on this island that covered all parishes. But I had the right mother for me: although we lived in Cedros, 24 km from Horta, my mother took me by bus three times a week to the city, at her own expense, so that I could have support classes with a primary school teacher who had experience in the field of deafness, as she herself had a son with the same problem. My mother also received support on how to communicate with me and help me develop my speech.

Every day I practiced speech therapy at home for hours on end, time that other children spent playing.

Learning sign language was immediately ruled out, as I was able to make some intelligible sounds, which promised better integration into society if I knew how to multiply them.

It was without alternative, but with hope, that they enrolled me in regular education. I never received any protection, except for the right to sit in the front row, close to the teacher, so that I could write the dictations as accurately as possible. At first, my mother supported me at home as best she could; later, my sister took on that role. Despite the lack of material support, I felt some special attention from the teachers, even though I took the same tests on an equal footing.

Where I had the most problems was in high school, as the level of demand was incompatible with my growing difficulty in keeping up with the classes. My sister even asked the teachers to make the written material easier for me in subjects such as Portuguese, Philosophy, Geography, and History, but her request was never granted. That’s when I felt discrimination and such demotivation that I isolated myself, even from my family, and dropped out of school to go to work.

I started working at a dairy company near my home. After two years, I joined the Regional Secretariat for Agriculture and Forestry, where I currently work as a Technical Assistant. In the meantime, I completed my 12th grade through the Valorizar Network.

I use hearing aids, which help me to some extent. But I am very grateful to my bosses and co-workers, who have always respected my special needs. Everyone learned to communicate with me in the best way possible and repeated what they said as many times as necessary.

The best way to talk to a deaf person is to speak slowly, pronouncing words clearly at a normal speed, unless the deaf person asks you to speak more slowly. There is no need to speak loudly, unless the deaf person requests it. It is essential to communicate directly, in a well-lit area, while maintaining eye contact, rather than from the side or behind, as their mouth must be clearly visible.

To listen to a deaf person, you need to be patient and try to understand their imperfect diction. It’s okay to ask them to repeat themselves. No deaf person minds repeating themselves as many times as necessary until they are understood.

I am lucky to be understood by most people and to really enjoy my work, which gives me everything, even Marla…

We met in 2015. We worked side by side, me at the Forest Service and her at the Horta City Council. We started by saying good morning to each other from a distance. It was like that every day for a month.

One day, she found my Facebook profile and from then on, we started communicating in writing.

Until then, I had never trusted my ability to attract a woman or get married, but I plucked up the courage and invited her for coffee. Since that day, we have built a beautiful and solid relationship. We got married in 2020, with no plans to have children. Our life is just the two of us, accompanied only by our pets.

Marla is a good listener. Not only is our communication improving every day, but I have also become a better person by her side because I want her to be happy.

Despite my deafness, with Marla I have become more outgoing and, in my difference, happy and completely myself.

I am a lucky man!

MHB

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